Flaws N All

Hi, my name is Ariel and I have commitment issues ✋🏽

I would most definitely describe myself as someone that is self-aware. I know what my flaws are however, I can honestly say I’ve done nothing to change them. Part of me wants to continue living my life unapologetically being me, however the other part of me feels like I won’t ever have true happiness until I work through some of my issues that I’m avoiding.

I’m definitely someone that would say they are looking for love and their “person” however, it wouldn’t be REAL of me to not admit that their are some things I do that contribute to making things more difficult. I’m guarded I’ll admit it! I spent 5years in a relationship in which I was abused physically, emotionally and financially. While, I want love I also have become so accustomed to the peace I have within myself & my safety net. Allowing another person to partially or fully consume my world frightens me like no other!

Of course I know that it mainly has to do with the trauma that I encountered in my last significant relationship and other trauma I’ve encountered in my life that I won’t speak on just yet. I’ve spent the past two years working on getting my head right to get back into dating however, now that I’m over the past relationship I’m still honestly scarred & scared.

It’s so difficult to think of allowing someone else to make me vulnerable and trusting my heart with someone else. Now…I won’t attribute everything to my past or myself as their are truly a large world of FUCK BOYS out here that make it completely easy to want to remain single but I also want to own up to my own flaws.

Since, I’ve been dating I’ve met great men, terrible men and men that I’ve been indifferent about all together. However, one thing that continues to remain true is me pushing those that want to be close away or being completely dismissive or nonchalant.

While, I’ve already discussed my goals for 2019. I truly want to begin working past the situations, things, actions that cause me pain & begin to actually give others a chance to show me that not everyone is an asshole to put it bluntly. I’m understanding that in order for me to be the friend, sister, girlfriend,/fiancé/wife, daughter, therapist, future mother etc that I dream of being that I also need to hold myself accountable & to a higher standard.

Here’s to owning up to our shit!

12 thoughts on “Flaws N All

  1. From one woman to another, good for you! Don’t try to rush anything, and give yourself as much time and space as you need in a relationship in order for you to feel comfortable – and trust me, the right person for you will respect that and understand! I also want to be working on myself this year and just be a better me, overall. Good luck!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I will say I commend you for owning your shit! And making strides to improving. Stay on course. Dating today is hard as hell with clowns rampant in these streets! But hold on to your standards and continue working on you.
    Great post lady!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First of all, I’m so sorry to hear about the things you’ve gone through. Heartbreaking. But I’m also really happy for you because you got out an awful situation – and that is far from easy. GOOD WORK ❤

    Second of all, this post really spoke to me.. I've experienced things I don't talk about (yet) as well, and I've also escaped an unhealthy relationship recently. Although I'm healing everyday and I feel so strong for getting out of it all a better and stronger person, I still hide behind my bad experiences on bad days.. This post def inspired me to hold myself to a higher standard. I'll try to own up to my shit now. THANK YOU Ariel (most beautiful name ever btw). ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate this comment so much lovie! I’m so happy we were both able to recognize our value and leave toxic situations. It took me about 2 years to gain myself back after the relationship and time really does heal all wounds I wish you so much luck Tina!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I was in an abusive relationship prior to meeting my husband. Even after dating for nearly 10 years, a lot of therapy, and being married for 7 years I still struggle with that trauma. I absolutely understand where you’re coming from.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing that it’s definitely something that I try to take one day at a time it’s so hard to trust others easily when going through that. I’m so happy you found love and someone to treat you well!

      Like

  5. I’m so sorry to hear about everything you went through but it’s amazing to hear that you’ve found your peace. I understand not wanting to let anyone take that from you. Don’t feel the need to push yourself until you’re absolutely ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great Post! One we need to be brave enough to talk about freely and honestly more often. “It’s ok to not be OK but keep on working on the you that you are. just as we strive to advance in our careers it’s OK to want to improve young our perfectly imperfect selves

    Like

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