Hi, my name is Ariel and I have commitment issues ✋🏽
I would most definitely describe myself as someone that is self-aware. I know what my flaws are however, I can honestly say I’ve done nothing to change them. Part of me wants to continue living my life unapologetically being me, however the other part of me feels like I won’t ever have true happiness until I work through some of my issues that I’m avoiding.
I’m definitely someone that would say they are looking for love and their “person” however, it wouldn’t be REAL of me to not admit that their are some things I do that contribute to making things more difficult. I’m guarded I’ll admit it! I spent 5years in a relationship in which I was abused physically, emotionally and financially. While, I want love I also have become so accustomed to the peace I have within myself & my safety net. Allowing another person to partially or fully consume my world frightens me like no other!
Of course I know that it mainly has to do with the trauma that I encountered in my last significant relationship and other trauma I’ve encountered in my life that I won’t speak on just yet. I’ve spent the past two years working on getting my head right to get back into dating however, now that I’m over the past relationship I’m still honestly scarred & scared.
It’s so difficult to think of allowing someone else to make me vulnerable and trusting my heart with someone else. Now…I won’t attribute everything to my past or myself as their are truly a large world of FUCK BOYS out here that make it completely easy to want to remain single but I also want to own up to my own flaws.
Since, I’ve been dating I’ve met great men, terrible men and men that I’ve been indifferent about all together. However, one thing that continues to remain true is me pushing those that want to be close away or being completely dismissive or nonchalant.
While, I’ve already discussed my goals for 2019. I truly want to begin working past the situations, things, actions that cause me pain & begin to actually give others a chance to show me that not everyone is an asshole to put it bluntly. I’m understanding that in order for me to be the friend, sister, girlfriend,/fiancé/wife, daughter, therapist, future mother etc that I dream of being that I also need to hold myself accountable & to a higher standard.
Here’s to owning up to our shit!